Kaitlyn here! I'm elated to introduce my cousin, Sara. She is a wonderful young woman who has been through much. I am grateful for her friendship and example to me. Like myself, Sara recently finalized her divorce. We can learn much from her, and I am grateful she agreed to guest post.
When Kaitlyn asked me to write a guest blog, I didn’t really know how I felt or what to say. We are going through the same life changes in our lives and we can relate on many different levels. We are both young and divorced and never saw our lives happening this way. When I chose to get married at 21, it was to someone I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. We had known each other for years but always had our problems just like everyone else. When things ended, it was my choice. I say this so I can really tell what’s on my mind. It wasn’t his entire fault and it wasn’t my entire fault. Over the two and a half years we were married we both had equal parts in the marriage that made it clear that it was best to end the marriage. I want to elaborate on what I have gone through these past 5 months when I decided I was done.
#1- It was your choice; why are you sad?
This broke my heart every time I was asked this question. Just because I made the choice to divorce doesn’t mean I can’t grieve too? I was married and it ended. It was brutally emotional. It was a fight every night with God wondering what I should do. It was emotionally draining. I became more depressed than I already was. It broke my heart, and it affected our families and friends. I lost friends because of it. It was and still is sometimes terribly emotional. Just because I chose this does not mean it wasn’t and still isn’t hard. Sometimes in life I have learned you have to put everything aside and realize that it is better to move on alone than to be with someone who you know deep down inside that it is not going to work. Divorce is an option, but it is not to be taken lightly.
It is not a game. It is not a joke. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. It is between you, your spouse, and God.
It is not between your parents or his parents or your friends. It is between you and the Lord and what you think is best for you in the end. Keep that relationship sacred from the beginning. The more people you tell that you and your spouse are fighting the more opinions you will have. Pick few and confide in them but this isn’t something the world should know.# 2 - I do deserve to be happy and have joy.
People would ask me, did the Lord tell you to divorce? I believe that God would never tell me the choice I was supposed to make. This is why we are given free agency. When I prayed the answer I got was this:
"I want you to heal, I want you to have joy. What will let you heal?"
He left the choice up to me and what I believed would make me heal and have joy. He is God and he will never take the right for you to choose.
#3- Why did you react like that? Why did you do that? You are selfish for wanting a divorce. Think about what everyone will think!
No one can ever tell you how to feel or how you should feel. Most of us, if not all of us, will hit rock bottom sometime in our lives. We will never know what we would do until we are in those shoes. Don’t let anyone ever say, "I would have done this if I was in this situation" or "I would have handled that this way." They are not you and they are not in your shoes. They do not feel what you feel. Do not feel bad about grieving. Do not beat yourself up because your 'plan A' didn’t work.
Don’t you dare think you are less of a person because your marriage didn’t work out!
Satan is real and he will do anything to destroy you and to take away your self-confidence. #4 I am beautiful and I will find love again.
There is no time limit on how fast or how slow you will find someone else. Follow your heart. Most importantly, know yourself. Don’t rely on anyone else’s faith but your own. If your world falls apart, your testimony, faith and family are all you have.
Have confidence in yourself without a man or a woman in your life.
You must be confident with yourself first. Have a relationship with the Lord. Love yourself so someone can love you. Rely on yourself and know that you are number 1 in God’s eyes and will always be. #5- Don’t blame God.
Depression and anxiety and other things will try and bring you down. I have dealt with this all my life and it doesn’t get any better when things get hard. Find things you love, force yourself to stay active even if it’s going on a walk for one minute. Love yourself and stay close to the ones you know you can trust. Many things contributed to the end of my marriage... It wasn’t God who made me fight with my husband and it wasn’t God who made us divorce. God was always there when I needed him and sometimes things happen in life that I can’t control.
It’s how I choose to react that makes a difference. Don’t blame God.
Stay close to the Lord and remember how you react to things in your life will make all the difference.
My point in all of this is you can control your life. Mistakes of the past do not define you.
You are beautiful no matter what happens to you. You deserve what you believe you deserve. Believe in yourself and that you can have that happy ending you've always dreamed of.
