How long will Thine hand be stayed?

First: I hope I don't push the lines of confidentiality. I hope to only express the feelings that I have held in and tried to process and understand to no avail. I hope to uplift. I hope to empower.

Second: I love Jacob with all my heart.

I watched my husband struggle. The worst struggle that I have ever seen anyone suffer.

I am currently crying.

I could not help him. I could not console him. I didn't know what to do. Looking back, I still don't know what I should have done. I felt useless. I felt alone. I felt like God had given up on our marriage. And so did Jacob. My life was folding in on itself. My marriage was crumbling. My heart hurt daily for him. Why did HE have to suffer? He didn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves all the happiness in the world.

"How long will Thine hand be stayed?" - Kaitlyn Korby

I am currently angry. At myself.

How in the world could I have ever thought that? How selfish was I? I felt so lonely when I had the greatest resource that anyone could ever hope for at my fingertips: the atonement.

Christ literally knows how I felt. He had felt it prior. He knows how my husband felt.

EVERYONE: NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH... Christ knows how you feel. Christ is there for you. You are always empowered through the atonement. You can always do more. You can always love more. You can always look up. Cheer up. You have that choice. You cannot, exactly, choose your feelings, but you can choose how you react to them.

Life is hard, yes.  But life is MUCH harder without hope. You can create your own hope. I have.

I love you, Jacob.