I just want to highlight today the fact that you can be positive and progressing forward in life while still in pain.
Jacob and I submitted the finalization for the divorce today.* I cried practically the entire time. I called him a mean name. I was very hurt (there is no reason to call others names, regardless of pain). I left crying. My reaction to this milestone of our divorce may seem odd, considering my last post discussed moving forward in life and choosing to be happy.
Why didn't I just choose to be happy? If I'm choosing to be happy, why do I still feel sad?
*Can I just say that divorces take forever? I thought we'd be finished today, but turns out it will be another week.
My point today:
It is normal to grieve. It is healthy to grieve. It is okay to be sad for a time. You cannot rush your happiness.
It is true: you can choose to be happy; however, you must give yourself time to heal. I am still healing and grieving over the loss of the man I fell in love with and the marriage that will soon be dissolved. I am grieving while being optimistic for the future. I have chosen to mourn and remain positive concurrently.
You cannot suppress your sad feelings, this will cause many more problems. Being sad does not make you a failure or a hypocrite; it makes you a human. It makes you real.
Note: healing does not happen overnight. Give yourself time. Be patient with your heart. It is good to have pain; it shows that you are human and have feelings (if you didn't have feelings, you couldn't love again, right?). Feelings are good. Choose to learn from them. Do not suppress them.
Our freedom of choice is a beautiful gift from God. We must use it wisely.
We can use this gift to be healthy.
I am choosing to heal now, so I can love the man that will be my eternal companion even more purely.
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